I do admit that my absence from the cyberworld for the past month or so is nothing short of unacceptable. I apologize and will try harder to entertain you with updates of my life. Yes, I’m talking to both of you.
True, I have once again joined the workforce. I got myself a job. I am paranoid. I get very worried when I’m not earning money, no matter how small. Never mind that I’m the most barat person I know. My friend Kate once described me as “economical” after I made sure one piece of tissue was enough to wipe my sopping wet face while she used three or four times more. Another friend simply said that I’m “Intsik.” This was after I expressed dismay at his having deleted the Globe promo message that would give us free McDo regular fries many years back. He offered to buy me large fries instead but of course that would totally defeat the purpose. I didn’t really want the fries but I’d eat them because they were there and they were free. I don’t know if that only made sense to me.
I live in perpetual fear of poverty and over and over in my head, I hear the old early-90s commercial with a young man shouting, voice breaking, “Ayoko nang maging dukha!” I don’t know where that fear stems from but it has always been present, lurking around in the shadows. And it comes out full-blown when I’m in between jobs.
Thus, despite still working on the novel, I decided to do something that would generate income. I made myself employed.
I am, at the moment, a fulltime translator in an architectural firm somewhere in Makati. The company’s clients are mostly from Mainland China, thus the need for translators. Let it be said that up until a few months ago, I never imagined myself translating professionally so this is somewhat of a fulfillment for me, more than anything.
At the risk of sounding ungrateful (which I am most definitely not), I will have to reveal that it is not exactly high-paying. This is where I assure you that you can still feed me anytime you feel like it because the job has actually only made me busier, not necessarily richer. If anything, I accepted it not for the pay (although the old fear is ever present and that was the very reason that I was compelled to have an income-generating job) but for what I’ll be learning from it (yes, cheesy as that sounds even to my own ears). Architecture is not exactly a field that I’m an expert on, even in English. But it’s always the challenge that makes things exciting.
Truth be told, next to Literature, I would probably rank Architecture as my favorite classical art. Dulce et utile at its best. Practicality and beauty put together, who wouldn't want that? And as a consequence of this new job, I will be giving “The Fountainhead” another chance at making itself interesting. I got to about a quarter of the book years ago. Let’s see how far I get this time.
And it may only be my optimism that’s making me think that I can juggle this job, my novel, the unending string of things that I had already committed myself to (that I had previously written about here), my cyber life and my social life. We’ll find out soon enough if that were at all possible. The social life I can afford to sacrifice. My friends have gotten used to my sudden moments of hibernation, only to reappear a few weeks/months later just before I embark on the “next project.” There is a reason I was called “Touch and Go Joni” back in college because I would drop by the tambayan just to say “hi!” and let everyone know that no, I have not yet fallen off the earth’s face, before I disappear to whatever appointment I got myself into.
Based on past experiences, I have reason to believe that it really is a seasonal phenomenon for me. I am of course most worried about the novel. At the moment, I’m experiencing another dry spell. Hopefully, I will be able to write more soon. When that time comes, I am more than ready to drop everything to heed my muse’s call. Hopefully, I will not have to become dukha before I finish writing it.
