Crazy English

I just got a call from a man crazy about learning English. He's going to the US in a month and he's looking for the fastest way to learn the language. He called twice before this morning but I ignored my phone's incessant ringing. The third time, I caved. The conversation went like this:

JC: Hello.

Man: Hello. Good morning.

JC: Good morning.

Man: Have you (garbled) Chinese?

JC: Huh? What's that?

Man: Have you (garbled) Chinese?

JC: Say it again.

Man: (silence)

JC: Say it again. Zai shuo yi bian.

Man: Ni huei shuo hanyu ma?

JC: Ahh! Yi dian dian.

Man: (sighed with relief) Good.

JC: Wo gei wo de pengyou... um, a message. Ta hai mei you da an. Wo deng ta shuo shenme.

Man: Ok, ok. I'm glad to meet you.

JC: I'm glad to meet you too.

Man: What do you (garbled) China?

JC: What? What do I shen me China?

Man: What do you (garbled) in China?

JC: What do I shen me in China? Zai shuo yi bian. In China, what do I shen me?

Man: Ni zai ZhongGuo duo (not sure, maybe "nian") le?

JC: Oh! How long have I been in China? Duo shao shizian? I've been in China for six months. Liu ge yue. Ban nian. Half a year.

Man: Ahh. Welcome to my home.

JC: Thank you.

Man: (Muttered something in Chinese that I didn't understand) Byebye.

JC: Bye!

I really should not be talking to strangers (shakes head).

This was what happened yesterday: My little sister took me to the bookstores because I told her that I wanted to find some novels in English. In one of the bookstores, this man, about three feet away, was openly staring at me. You get used to it after a while so I ignored him and continued my conversation with my little sister about a Kahlil Gibran poetry collection that I was contemplating on buying. When he could no longer content himself with just staring, he asked, "Ni huei shuo YingYu ma?" I looked at my sister, looked back at the man and nodded. In Chinese, he said that he's looking for a fast way to learn English. Well, aren't we all looking for a fast way to learn a lot of things? I would have launched into a speech on how certain things cannot be rushed but then it would have been too hard and not to mention pointless.

Anyway, he wants me to give him private lessons. Foreign teachers are always offered this but my contract states that I can't teach outside of the school so I always say no. I had my sister explain this to him. He said he's going to the US next month to be a cook and he has to learn English fast. He showed me the Phonetics book, with a CD, that he just bought. I scanned the book and it looked fine so I said yeah, that'll be good. He was talking about a lot of things and I would just want to get back to thinking about whether or not I want the Gibran book. He said that when he goes to America, the people might think he's stupid if he can't understand them. I think that was what did it. I asked for his number and told him that I'll ask my friend if he'll be interested in teaching him. He asked again why I couldn't teach him. Again, my sister explained. Because I asked for his number, I felt it might be rude not to give him mine when he asked for it.

When my phone kept ringing this morning, I vowed never again will this ever happen. I must have made a similar vow before but I'm not sure. And that's why things like this continue to happen to me. I guess it was also good that he called, since I must admit I forgot to mention him to Rain when I saw him last night. After the first two unanswered calls, I sent a message to Rain. Just now, he replied that he is interested. So there. Let them talk. Don't bother me again, please.