Why I've Finally, Finally Given Up

If you've been reading my blog, you know that the favored one is Andy1. If you've been reading my blog, you would also know what I think of him. If you're reading this blog, you will know why I've finally given up on him.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HIM!!!

And I am not just talking about the language. I can deal with the language barrier. Of course that alone is a problem, and him being male makes him naturally hard to understand. But It's something even beyond those. I am of course, also at fault. Despite all my progress with the language, the culture will have to take a longer time to fully comprehend. And I think I'm socially inept at Chinese dating. All of these put together, plus maybe his own indecisiveness, naivete and whatnot, made me decide to just throw in the towel. No use agonizing over something that isn't even anything in the first place.

This is what happened, or the last straw, if you must. Yesterday, he went with me to Computer City to look at some laptops. I'd been wanting to buy one and the other night, I finally convinced myself that I needed one. I told him about this and he graciously offered to accompany me while I also graciously accepted.

We were going around, having a 看看 (look look) when a shop owner recognized me as the 外教 (foreign teacher). She led us to where some of the shops were selling laptops all the while keeping a steady flow of conversation with Andy.

While I was reading (trying to read) a leaflet, I heard him tell the woman that I was his "teacher's friend." I froze for a split-second, in the middle of how much memory the laptop had and how heavy it was. His teacher's friend?! What, I'm not even his friend, I'm just his teacher's friend?! What the...? Well in that case I shouldn't even be keeping those stupid dried up flowers because it's totally senseless to keep stupid dried up moldy stemmed flowers from a friend's student, right?

I could be overreacting but it still echoes in my ears. His teacher's friend! I suddenly feel like this annoying helpless person that he's obligated to help because I'm "his teacher's friend." Well, forget it. Thank you so much for your time but I think I can manage on my own.

During our second date, he said he'd go with me to Shenyang when I take my HSK. I said I already asked my friend to go with me although it might have come out like, I'm going to ask a friend to come with me. He asked, "我不是朋友吗? (I'm not a friend?)" I said, "是吖. (Yes, you are)". I didn't know I should also have asked if I were his friend because apparently, I'm just his teacher's friend.

Thus, I am never going to call nor send him messages. We're supposed to meet on the weekend. I'll save him the trouble by thinking of an appropriate excuse. After all, shouldn't he be hanging out with his own friends?

And I feel stupid.