Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I'm Not Happy (not by Paulo Coelho)

I'm not happy.

I haven't been really happy since that morning when I got that phonecall. I think that switched off the I'm-in-a-foreign-country-and-am-having-loads-of-fun euphoria feeling and switched on the I-just-want-something-stable-to-hold-onto feeling in me. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to November more than I thought I would ever look forward to going home.

It's not even that I feel that I'd been treated shabbily. I harbor no grudge against anyone associated to that decision. I fully understand that it was not anyone's fault and that under the circumstances, I would still be considered lucky to have what I have. But the feeling of exhaustion stays.

And so by November I will be doing a lot of soul searching. Maybe I need only a whiff of Manila's humid and densely polluted air to make me want to come back to foreign shores. Maybe the at times unbearable noise in a house jampacked with warm bodies will do it. I still don't know. We'll have to wait and see.

All I know is that at the moment, I could be happier.



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12 comments:

  1. jona cham-lagoSeptember 27, 2006 at 5:42 PM

    maybe you're just um, finally homesick? anyway, if the unbearable noise becomes horribly, horribly unbearable-er than usual, you know you can always crash at the condo. i'll even give you an extra key, just don't tell my landlord. :p

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  2. joni chamSeptember 28, 2006 at 5:49 AM

    Um, your landlady could read this, you know. And yes, I might be homesick. Finally.

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  3. janice chamSeptember 28, 2006 at 10:46 AM

    i think it's because manila will always be home. like when i was deciding whether to go back or not, there will be times when i'd think i'm not ready to go back just yet. still so many places to see, so many things to do, but the idea of going home never fails to excite me and make me happy.

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  4. joni chamSeptember 29, 2006 at 7:04 AM

    We won a bronze in the women’s compound competition at the 2006 World Cup for archery. We beat Mexico (ala Paquiao vs. Morales). Tomorrow, USA will be competing against the Russians for the gold.

    I've been hanging out with the Pinoy's National Archery Team these past few days because of the World Cup. Pictures will be posted soon but I just feel the need to tell you the news now. Mainit-init pa.

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  5. Jing RacelisSeptember 29, 2006 at 8:29 PM

    you're just homesick joni. you need a break.

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  6. Erwin PalomarSeptember 30, 2006 at 10:34 PM

    I hope you don't get burned out, snap or something. Semper Fi Joni.

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  7. joni chamSeptember 30, 2006 at 11:59 PM

    Um, what's "Semper Fi"?

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  8. Erwin PalomarOctober 1, 2006 at 12:08 AM

    Its latin for "Always faithful". Its the motto of the US marines (not that I'm one). People usually use it in the context of "keeping the faith". I just meant for you to "keep the faith". Didn't mean to confuse you. :)

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  9. joni chamOctober 1, 2006 at 12:11 AM

    Oh! Latin? I thought you were going to learn Spanish or Chinese.

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  10. Erwin PalomarOctober 1, 2006 at 12:23 AM

    I got another word for you... Procrastination. :)

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  11. jona cham-lagoOctober 1, 2006 at 12:46 AM

    procastination is a good word. a noble word. a word to live life by. or maybe that's just me.

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  12. Erwin PalomarOctober 1, 2006 at 8:03 AM

    Nah, its not just you... its what makes the world go 'round.

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