I am now officially unemployed. Jobless. A bum. I had my last class yesterday morning. At noon, my friend and I went to the train
station and tried to buy a ticket to Beijing. We were asked to come back on Wednesday because there were no more tickets for seats available. The woman said there might be some on Wednesday. And there I thought the earlier I went to buy one, the better.
Today, I will start packing. I will try and put a year's worth of memories in boxes and suitcases. Must try and make them all fit into what little space I could spare. But then ultimately, I will be weighing one against the other: the little stuffed elephant given at the end of a date or the paperweight birthday gift?
I'm leaving on Friday, possibly never to return. That is what makes this leaving a particularly hard one. Whenever I tell people that I'm leaving, their first question was almost always "When are you coming back?" I stare at the person for maybe three seconds, searching for words. "You're never coming back?" I look down and mumble, "Maybe only for a visit."
I don't know how to do it. I never know what to say.
Ivy (from the time when I first wanted to go): You're so selfish. Who will I talk to about Chinese stars?
Andy1: On Friday? That's too fast. Aiya, that's too fast. Are you coming back?
Tide: If I introduce a good boy to you, will you stay here forever?
Sandra (our baby in class, the youngest at 9): Why why why why, teacher? I will cry.
Linda (another student): Why don't you want to teach me? You're bad.
Maggie (a student at the college): Why go to Beijing? Just stay in my hometown in HunNan. Let's go together.
Vivian (my weekend assistant who has become a very good friend): Now I wish you were Chinese so you won't have to leave.
Rain: Holy shit! I need to get you drunk before you leave.
When I first came, one of the things that I told myself is not to get too attached. It's just a year. No use making it unnecessarily hard for myself as well as the people around me when it's time to go. I had always been aware of the transient nature of my life here. I failed miserably. I know now how impossible that is.
Maybe that's what I'll be good at: living, loving then leaving.
In the meantime, I'll enjoy being a bum.
that's our trademark, us citizens of the world. you can always go back though, when you close your eyes you can see things as clearly as the day you arrived.
ReplyDeleteand what did edward say?
ReplyDeleteEdward said, "Beijing is good. But then I won't be able to come and see you anymore." In Chinese, though.
ReplyDeleteforeign languages are so hot. so did you jump on him right then and there?
ReplyDeleteI didn't need to... Hahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteThis one is damn cute. That can move mountains.
ReplyDeleteWell, all good or bad things comes to an end. Its sad to leave nice people and specially the ones who look at you with high esteem.
You should always tell them that you would try your best to travel back there once in a while when you can. Don't disappoint please, specially not kidos.
And dont call yourself a bum. If you would have been bum, then you should DIG A CAVE AND LIVE IN IT.
This one is damn cute. That can move mountains.
ReplyDeleteWell, all good or bad things comes to an end. Its sad to leave nice people and specially the ones who look at you with high esteem.
You should always tell them that you would try your best to travel back there once in a while when you can. Don't disappoint please, specially not kidos.
And dont call yourself a bum. If you would have been bum, then you should DIG A CAVE AND LIVE IN IT.
agree with sachya.... that line is so cute... I'm even teary-eyed sniff sniff
ReplyDeleteSandra is the one in the orange top sitting on my lap in our group picture. My little baby. *sniff sniff
ReplyDeleteoh. my. god.
ReplyDeletei agree! you didn't need to because you were already...aaah! now i need to get that mental image off my head!!!
ReplyDeletesee, this is the problem with women. they like to break bad news while men are in a vulnerable position. so many crimes of the heart have been perpetrated in this way. sobra na, tama na!
ReplyDeleteEnough, you two! :p
ReplyDeletehey...where hav ya decided to go...me tried callin ya....but there a funny lady who speaks to me in chinese ;-) :-(
ReplyDeleteu knw my number......call me
I'm going to Beijing and have been really busy packing and trying to tie loose ends. You must have dialled the wrong number. I'll be unreachable for a while since I'll be changing my number once I get there.
ReplyDelete