Anne Carson's Short Talks

Because there are tons and tons to read on the Internet, I usually find it hard to pry myself off its clutches whenever access is free. And although it is completely acceptable in this age to get most if not all of one’s reading materials online, there is also a part of me that feels guilty for the volumes and volumes of books that I have promised myself I would find the time to read, but keep putting off. So I do it one little step at a time.

This weekend, I intentionally left my laptop in the Makati apartment when I went home to Valenzuela so I wouldn’t be tempted to go online. I admit to allowing myself to check my mails a couple of times though through my phone but that was it.

So my reading list for the weekend included a compilation of old American essays (actually titled The Best American Essays 1992), wherein the first was by Anne Carson (who is actually Canadian but well, they probably meant “American” in the broadest sense. In fact when you think about it, who gave the US citizens monopoly of that word?).

Here are some quotes from her Short Talks (my O friends would love this one):

Short Talk on Walking Backwards

My mother  forbade us to walk backwards. That is how the dead walk, she would say. Where did she get this idea? Perhaps from a bad translation. The dead after all, do not walk backwards but they do walk behind us. They have no lungs and cannot call out but would love for us to turn around. They are victims of love, many of them.

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soyoufound.me

http://www.soyoufound.me
My new cyberhome! Go and look! Go, go, go! I suggest you bookmark it now. And subscribe to those...um.... RSS feeds! Visit at least once a week. And don't forget to leave comments. Lalalalala!

The Tragedy in Tiananmen

Much has already been said in the 20 years since the Chinese government’s heavy crackdown on a series of student-led demonstrations in and around the area of the Tiananmen Square in Beijing. A good part of my past month or so had been spent digging up those materials, reading and watching everything I could find about the events leading to June 4, 1989, the day when tanks rolled in crushing bodies underneath them, and the military fired at the protesters made up mostly of unarmed students and workers. Until now, 20 years after, the death toll remains a mystery. The Chinese Red Cross initially reported that 2,600 died, but retracted allegedly under pressure from the government. Some journalists estimated that the number could be as high as 7,000. The official tally, however, concluded that less than 300 died and 7,000 were injured.

(To read the rest of the entry, click here.)

Weekend Getaway (The Planning Stage)

I’m spending the day trying to figure out where to go on an overnight weekend trip. Limited time, so it has to be somewhere close enough. But not too close that it defeats the purpose of going on a vacation. Also, it preferably has to have a nice beach.

Two options I’m considering are:

(Click here to read the rest of the entry)

Joni's New World

Finally. Regular visitors of Joni’s World must have noticed the apparent lack of activity on the site for a long time. While not exactly unusual since I started full-time (and by that I mean the full meaning of the word “full”) work more than a year ago, there is another reason for it. This.

So yes. Finally. This is an unveiling of sorts. My *drumrolls* very own *more drumrolls* dotcom!! *somersaults* Oh wait, I meant my very own dotme!! Whee!

Migration is tough, I must say. It took quite a while for the entire process to finally reach this stage. For weeks, I mulled over whether or not I should indeed move. I am not the most techie of persons, you see. HTML codes have the ability to send me to panic mode. (Well, those and many other things actually, now that I think about it. I am, by nature, prone to panic attacks). Besides, I would like to think I have by now already developed a nice friendly community of readers over at Multiply where I had painstakingly built my cyberhome for the past three years or so. Will moving make me lose them? *crosses fingers and hopes not.

(To read more, click here.)

Twitter

Rating:	★★★
Category:	Other

I have given in to peer pressure. Admittedly, about a year or two too late. Nevertheless, I am now one of those Twitter-ers. Or Tweeple (Tweeps?).

Twitter was all the rage in my online community more than a year ago. Not to say that I was never tempted. But I was lazy. In a moment of weakness, I did try signing up but for some reason, possibly due to very heavy traffic, I couldn't. And my laziness could only be challenged so much so I left it at that.

Fast forward to about a month ago when I finally had a chance to hang out with the Man-bloggers again. Everyone had apparently already migrated to Plurk. And I was still not micro-blogging. Because really, what can you possibly write in only 140 characters? Sure, in an era when ADHD is the norm, it does make sense to let self-expression out in little spurts. Maybe somehow, your 140-character splash of brilliance would not get drowned in everyone else's pools of 140-character splashes of brilliance. And maybe Ade would stop saying that I'm stuck in 2006. ("She's on Multiply. How 2006!")

But those weren't really what sent me a-twittering. I was curious, for one. And perhaps also because I am work-obsessed (there, I finally admitted it). One day I came across @DavidFeng's article on who to follow when it comes to #china twitter posts. If you still don't know (then perhaps you are also stuck in 2006), Twitter-ers break news faster than traditional media. The Mandarin Oriental fire in Beijing, for one, made the rounds of tweets and retweets before news agencies finally reported on it. See, I take all these China stuff very seriously. I have to know everything. Otherwise I'm not happy. So this is really all about my happiness when you think about it.

As with anything short and sweet, it is harder to work at the sweetness should it only be this short. I must admit I am one selfish Twitter-er. I tend to take more than I give. I suppose for many that would be a relief. Nothing witty to say? Then shut up. So in a way my tweeting life is more or less guided by that philosophy. I have very few followers, in fact. I am under no illusion that anyone would want to read live updates on what I'm doing every hour. And I admittedly find it hard to keep track of the 40 or so Twitter-ers I follow. I suppose it's all part of the new media: streams and streams of information flowing onto you, some are useful while most aren't, some will be interesting and sometimes you'll get lucky to get information you need at just the right time, just as you will miss many others without even knowing it. Very much like tuning out mindless chatter in a bus once you've deemed it worthless. So yeah, like life really, if you know what I mean.

And I just made my 100th update with my "is blogging about micro-blogging" post half an hour ago.

Boracay Feb 2009

Tagaytay get-away!! Feb 2009

Ron's Despedida

And he's back in Australia... So we all trooped to his house the night before he was scheduled to leave and demanded that he feed us.

25 Random Things

I actually got tagged on Facebook. But since I spent all that time coming up with 25 random things about me, I might as well post them here too. :p

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

1. I will do everything I can to finish every bit of morsel of food on my plate no matter how full I am. Wasted food weighs heavy on my conscience.

2. I eat a lot. Rice, especially. And I'm very thankful that it doesn't show.

3. I need to take iron (ferrous sulfate) in the morning otherwise I will be on the verge of falling asleep the rest of the day.

4. I have never flown a kite in my whole life.

5. I have a pack of baby wipes in my bag that I carry around almost everywhere. One time I suddenly felt the need to go to the bathroom but could not find any establishment in the vicinity that sells tissues. I had to substitute with the baby wipes. I love them now.

6. I love gel pens. I have them in different colors: dark brown, dark blue, green, purple, metallic blue, metallic green, etc. The funny thing is I only use them on my planner.

7. I was an emcee in two speed dating events in the past. Tomorrow, I will be one of the daters. I realize now how that is so much scarier.

8. It is highly unlikely that I will date a guy shorter than me. I like my men tall.

9. I had been rumored to be a lesbian at least twice. I think it is mildly amusing. And perhaps the rumors will make me seem more interesting than I really am.

10. I never make the first move because I'm chickenshit.

11. I love moisturizers. I like keeping my skin well-hydrated.

12. I belatedly discovered that I like perfumes, too. But not as much as moisturizers.

13. I don't use deodorants. I am under the impression that I don't need them. Please tell me if I am mistaken.

14. I never learned how to drive and I seriously think I have underdeveloped motor skills. I cannot coordinate hand and leg movements. I can't dance. I can't play any sports. And I stumble on my own feet.

15. I have a very bad sense of direction. Maybe I have an underdeveloped brain, period.

16. I was made to memorize the multiplication table in (Fukien) Chinese before I started kindergarten. So at least some part of my brain has hopefully developed fine. I do have a good memory. And it comes out when I least expect it.

17. Once I decide something is worth learning and is not beyond the limited capabilities of my brain (I wouldn't, for example, attempt to learn the tango), I can get obsessively disciplined about it. The current passion is relearning Mandarin.

18. Aside from Facebook, I am also on Multiply and Friendster. I have been deleting my accounts on other social networking sites. Sometimes I forget I even have accounts on them.

19. I am always thrilled to be told by somebody that s/he reads my blog. Blogging is one of the things that keep my sanity. Or some semblance of it.

20. Email and IM are my preferred means of communication. Other than face-to-face for close friends. I only text when I have to. But then again maybe that's because I have not had a serious relationship in a long time. I would probably appreciate texting more if there were messages to look forward to reading. And replying.

21. There are times when I would worry that I'd be alone forever. And then I'd realize it's not the worst thing in the world.

22. My laughter sounds weird. I have been told this many times. I'm not sure how laughters are supposed to sound.

23. I do not give people many chances. Once I have labeled a person unworthy of my time (and this may most probably be based on some past proof of betrayal/stupidity/meanness), I very rarely change my mind. People who have earned my trust and respect though can expect a lifetime of loyalty. It's just that way in my world.

24. Cherries are my favorite fruit. And I hate how they're so expensive here.

25. Whenever I think about my life in general, I am almost always caught by surprise at the intensity of my gratitude. I am well aware of how blessed I am despite my propensity to whine about my petty concerns. Maybe age has something to do with it. And even more delightfully surprising is the fact that I genuinely like the person that I have become. That is coming a long way from the kid who used to wish she had never been born.

Ron is back!

...and the Constancia kids all trooped over to Zaifu at Rockwell so he could treat us to dinner.

Annual Post-New Year's Celebration 2009

Something to look forward to when the holiday season approaches is our annual get-together with college friends that happens at around the first week of the year. So we would meet erratically all throughout the year but make it a point to show up, in whatever state we are in, every year to listen to John's lecture on life and love.

Because that's how it is.

Hello 2009!

New Year's, I think, is my favorite holiday. It is logically irrelevant and should have been an uneventful day had people of long ago not have thought of dividing days and weeks, months and years, the way we divide them now; but because they had, each year we are given an imaginary excuse to be motivated to turn over a much better leaf, if not entirely new. Or maybe this is a carry-over of my childhood days when New Year's Eve was the most awaited time of the year. It was when different branches of the family would all gather in our house to break bread together, exchange presents, and (horror of horrors!) be entertained by us kids' prepared program of Christmas carols (which, mind you, we would practice for weeks on end--complete with the voice-blending). In contrast, Christmas was virtually a non-event for us. Go figure.

Perhaps it was the long holiday break that welcomed this year that made me feel that it was one of the best New Year "celebrations," if you could even call it that, I'd had in a long time. Because it wasn't really just the celebration, but the collective experience of my holiday break, that made it so good. If we must remember, I was in a very unhappy state just before the break. Maybe at that point there was no way to go but up, eh?

The events were so simple and ordinary that a part of me was debating on whether or not to even blog about it. But then again in the final analysis, it is the simple and ordinary that make up most of our lived experience. So you know which side of the debate finally won.

So after the usual Christmas parties and get-together with different groups of friends (which I always enjoy because everyone is in a festive mood), I spent half of the holiday break at home in Valenzuela. I planned to spend most of my time reading and writing and reviewing Chinese. Of course the evil Internet ruined most of those plans. I am, however, more than pleased with the bit of work I was able to put in for my novel. So happy happy there! Slooowly progressing, yes. We'll get there someday... Soon, I hope.

And I cooked tinola for lunch one day. That was good, too!

And fun times with Baby Iel and Triz, delighting me with their rapidly expanding vocabulary each time I come home. Oh the hilarious things that come out of those mouths!

And I had a hair treatment. If you're as stingy as I am, that is something to feel very good about.

And I got to spend more time with people I care about.

And then just a week after New Year's Day comes my birthday. I'm not exactly sure why (my brain must have blocked out the real reasons) but when I was younger, I used to dread my birthdays. I'm sure the reason for dreading it now at my age is so much simpler to understand but somehow, I actually enjoy my birthdays more as I get older.

Similar to the New Year (and possibly because it is so close to the New Year), my birthday gives me the excuse to reflect on what I've accomplished in a year, and to look forward to future possibilities as I turn hypothetically wiser. And I love possibilities. I think it's the one singular reason why I get out of bed each morning. Okay, maybe just one of the biggest reasons.

Almost every year I would check out my astrological predictions online, just to have a heads-up, you know. Yeah, I know you know. And to be given reassurance that there is, after all, something to look forward to. I'd be very careful to believe only the positive predictions because well, those are what I want to believe. This year I didn't (although my friend did and told me I'll be lucky in love and career this year). This year I am declaring 2009 to be the happy, blessed, and bountiful year that it will be. (And yes, I am also ignoring all those financial analysts saying the worst impact of the economic crisis will be felt in 2009. Hmp, they're no better than those astrologers in my book. Err, ok maybe just a little more believeable. Still!)

So it's been good. 2009 has been good to me so far. And to you, too, I hope. It's going to be a great year! Trust me on this.

And I leave you now with the words of old friend Emily Dickinson:

I dwell in Possibility--
A fairer House than Prose--
More numerous of Windows--
Superior--for Doors-

Of Chambers as the Cedars--
Impregnable of Eye--
And for an Everlasting Roof
The Gambrels of the Sky--

Of Visitors--the fairest--
For Occupation--This--
The spreading wide my narrow Hands
To gather Paradise--

My Birthday 2009

I turned 29!

And I have vowed to make the year the best evah!! :D

The Chams Greet 2009!

But somehow it turned out to be a "Iel album"

Chinese Blog Entry # 1

This is my first attempt at a Chinese blog entry. I couldn't fall asleep last night so I decided to try and write something in Chinese. It's a very simple entry and my eternal disclaimer to that is that I have a very limited Chinese vocabulary. I am working on it so be patient with me. For words which I couldn't remember the Chinese terms of, I used online translators like Yahoo! Babel Fish and bab.la. I would have wanted to counter-check with my ever trusty physical dictionary but because I did not anticipate writing anything in Chinese during the break, I left it at the apartment. One of my fears then is that I might have used some words in the wrong context. Chinese readers out there are welcome to comment and help me out.

(For some weird reason, Multiply would not allow me to paste my Chinese text here. "Javascript/CSS not allowed," it informed me dozens of times. I attached the word document instead. Sigh.)

Attachment: chinese blog.doc

Repost: The World Has Gone Crazy

Now I take time off from my self-centered rants to repost a blog entry that needs to be read by
more people.

From Bambee dela Paz's blog (highlights are mine):


Vicissitude: The world has gone crazy.

So, I just had the worst day of my life.

At around 1:30 PM today, at Valley Golf and Country Club, Antipolo City, Mayor Nasser Pangandaman, Jr., Mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur, his father, Secretary Nasser Pangandaman of the Department of Agrarian Reform, and company, beat my defenseless 56-year-old dad and my 14-year-old brother to a pulp because of some stupid misunderstanding on the golf course.

This is a golf course. I have been a golfer all my life, and I have never seen anything like this. NOTHING. This is hard to comprehend. And it happened to my own father and my own brother too. Right in front of my eyes.

My brother and I were playing golf at the South Course of Valley. We were on the 3rd hole, and we see two golf carts going past us, overtaking our flight, and setting up to tee off on the next hole. My dad goes up to them and asks them why they would do that, why they would overtake us without even asking for our permission. Golf etiquette 101. One of the guys says that they're with the flight in front of us. (So what? That doesn't give them the right to just pass us WITHOUT asking.) So, we go to the 5th hole. The flight behind us catches up with us, and asks us what caused the hold up. We said that this flight just slipped in front of our flight. So we complained to the marshall. We play the 5th hole and walk towards the next hole, where there is a teehouse, and both the flights in front of us were there, talking with the marshall. The mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur talks with my dad. Things get heated up. Voices were raised. But never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever imagine that someone would pull out a punch. Apparently not. He attacks my father. His flightmates, maybe 2 or 3 of them, rush to his aid and beat up my father. My 56-year-old father. My younger brother and I could not just watch. We rushed to break the fight. My younger brother pleads to the mayor to please stop it. To not hurt my dad. To just stop. His words still ring through my head..."Sorry na po, sorry na po...tama na...tama na po..." With his hands in front of his chest in a praying position. PLEADING. The mayor socks him in the face. My brother defended himself. My dad is still on the ground getting clobbered. My brother is the same way. I try to stop the fight, but all I can do is stop one person. There were 4 or 5 of them attacking now.

Someone breaks up the fight. I thought it was all over. The mayor shouts to his caddy: "Hindi nila kami kilala! Sabihin mo nga sa kanila kung sino ako!" And believe me, I had no idea who this person was. But now I know. He's the person who, with 4 other men, beat up my 56-year-old father and my 14-year-old brother. He's the person who sacks a pleading 14-year-old kid in the face. He's a person who, I am sure, is gonna rot in hell.

I lash out, but my dad held me back. I was screaming my lungs out, shouting to this mayor, telling him about what he had done. I said: "Nakakahiya kayo. Singkwenta'y sais anyos ang tatay ko. And kapatid ko kakatorse anyos. Anong ilalaban nila sayo?"

The mayor looks at my brother, point to his face, and says, "Tatandaan kita!" And he tells me that my brother has a bad attitude and that I need to watch him. WHAT THE HELL?! So, my brother's bad for defending his father?!

We leave. We walk to the clubhouse to file a complaint. My brother asks for a doctor. My dad could barely walk. Their group comes to the clubhouse, sees my brother. Once again my brother pleads, says sorry, and is crying. He was CRYING, for crissakes. But no. The relentless mayor still punches him in the face, and then sees my dad and goes after my dad again. Him and his friend pull my dad to the ground, pulls at his feet, and steps on him like he's dirt. I run to him and try to hold him back, holding him back by his shirt, while this other guy and this girl tries to stop me. She tells me to just stop it. I scream in her face "they're beating my father up and you want me to stop?!" I pull at his shirt--I don't let go. All I can see was my dad being trampled on. I didn't even see my brother getting beat up.

People pull them away. I get my dad, and I saw my brother. His right ear was bleeding. I freaked out. I told the receptionists to bring my brother to the clinic. I pull my dad away. People were separating us.

My mom and my older brother come. I tell her Bino's right ear is bleeding. They both look like they could kill. My dad holds my brother off, I hold off my mom. When I finally got my mom under control, my older brother gets away and I hold him off. Two of the mayor's bodyguards pull out guns. I embraced my brother from the back, just holding him back, crying. The receptionists came to us, crying, hugging me, my dad, and my mom, whispering to us to just leave. "Maam, umalis na po kayo, may mga baril sila...Maam...umalis na po kayo please..."

I am pretty sure the Secretary of DAR did not take part in the fight, but he just watched all this happen. He watched two of his sons, as we figured out, the other guy was his son, too, beat up my father and my 14-year-old brother. He didn't do anything to stop it. And this person is what now? A cabinet member. A politician.

Sounds like something out of a movie, doesn't it? But this is what happened. TODAY. The day after Christmas. To my family. And all I ask for is JUSTICE. The people at Valley Golf did not seem to want to help us. None of the security guards even tried to stop the fight. Right in the clubhouse. I came back after the fight was over and talked to the receptionists. They say they did not see anything. The general manager of Valley Golf would not give us the names of the men who made my brother's ear bleed. It took him an hour. Maybe even more than that. He seemed to not want to help us. Because, we were against the SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRARIAN REFORM and the MAYOR OF MASIU CITY, LANAO DEL SUR. They were all scared.

The world has gone crazy. Two politicians beat up a defenseless 56-year-old father and his 14-year-old son. At a golf course. I swear to God, I thought golfers were decent people. You would think politicians were decent people. I guess not. I guess they gang up on 56-year-old men and beat up pleading 14-year-old kids.

Please pray for my dad, my brother and for my whole family. Please pray that we get JUSTICE. Oh God, please, give these people what they deserve.

A Promise to be Fine in 12 Hours

Maybe because I hope a little too much, expect a little too soon, believe a little too often. Maybe because I just never learn, never pause before the plunge, never thought to make a plan much less plan B. But I never really know when a piece of me is enough, a single serving just right. How is it to quantify oneself so as not to give too much?

It's been a series of disappointments, one after another. And each time I berate myself for being stupid, for not knowing any better, or more often for knowing and yet allowing myself to be stupid anyway. It can get very tiring. Really. Being stupid is not what they said it is. Oh, I think that's ignorance. A close relative though so one would expect them to have the same effect.

So yeah. I was stupid yet again. And as always it ended in this, a tired refrain of bitterness and pain. Allow me this for tonight. I promise not to indulge in it for long, as always, a promise I give myself whenever this happens. So yes, I will be fine.

All Saints' Day '08

Long overdue All Saints' Day pictures. Forgive me.

Free Online Calendar for Families, Schools, Churches and more

http://famundo.com
Manila is probably the world's most planner-crazy city. To find proof of that, one only needs to visit any Starbucks store during Christmas season. In line are card-clutching yuppies obsessively counting the number of cups to go before being able to finally possess the much-coveted planner for the next year.

I am, of course, not immune to the planner-frenzy culture of chaotic Manila. I looove planners! Maybe it's the illusion of being organized that makes me feel like I couldn't live without one. Or it's an extension rooted from my attachment to notebooks. Unlike regular notebooks though, it's such a pity that one can only have a single planner in a year. Anything more would be indulgent and downright impractical.

Still.

When I stumbled into this online planner, I just had to sign up for it despite the fact that I already have an actual physical planner which serves its purpose pretty well. See, if you have TWO physical planners, that's indulgent. But! If you have one in real life and one in cyberlife, it totally makes sense!

Because an online planner will make it so much easier for you and your friends to compare calendars and plan activities together. An online planner can be accessed anytime anywhere that has Internet connection. Soon, gone will be the days when you would lug a bulky dog-eared notebook in meetings and frantically search for a pen in your jungle-bag. (No, those days will never really be gone but I'm making a case here so shut up.) Plus, an online planner looks really cool and uh... cosmopolitan. Who doesn't want cool and cosmopolitan, right?

So um, yes. You should all join me there because right now I have no one to compare schedules with and it gets lonely a bit. *sniffs