| Start: | Sep 29, '05 4:00p |
| Location: | Shenyang Train Station |
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Angkang Bilingual Community Party
| Start: | Sep 28, '05 4:30p |
| End: | Sep 28, '05 6:30p |
| Location: | TieLing City |
Meeting with Gao Shan
| Start: | Sep 25, '05 6:00p |
| End: | Sep 25, '05 7:00p |
| Location: | South School |
Reality Bites... and so does the cold
Two months in China has done for me what more than twenty-five years in the Philippines never did: I gained ten pounds. Conclusion: China is fattening. There must be something in the food. Or it might be the beer. Or the air... Hmmm.
Speaking of air, it is becoming colder and colder. Today, I could hardly move my fingers as I was walking to the school. I was wearing two layers of clothing, mind you. And even when I was indoors, I could still feel my knees trembling. I really need to go and buy winter clothes. The thing is, I have no idea what kind. Waaaa! Blame it on my being raised in a tropical country.
I am gradually settling into my life here. I have gotten used to the different sights of the city, sometimes brutal sounds of an alien tongue, and even the smells of bathrooms (although I wish they'd do something about that). I want to come up with a schedule of sorts though. I've been out almost every night for the past two weeks and if this goes on, my novel is going to go nowhere. And I will never be able to forgive myself if that happens. So it won't. Trust me on that.
In the beginning, I would tell myself that if I really couldn't stand it, I could always just go back home. I would have had my little adventure, then it would be time to go back to reality. I remember describing to a friend how I felt that time. How it was like I was floating somewhere above me. I was saying the right things, doing what were expected of me, but I wasn't really there. It was like being in a dream that I could wake up from when I want to.
When things started to slowly and steadily become a reality, I'm not really sure. This has ceased to be a dream, but has turned into my life. Real life. And it's not something I could run away from if something upsets me. It has become my reality. And I'm living it.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
After two months...
Today, it is exactly two months since I boarded the plane that will take me all the way from the land of my birth to the land of my ancestors. And here is what my Friendster horoscope has to say about my day:
The Bottom Line
Embrace change today -- new opportunities will create exciting travel opportunities.
In Detail
Right now you feel like you're in limbo, but think of it as more of an astrological waiting room rather than a grey area. You're actually preparing to do something rather daring or out-of-character. Perhaps you're ending an old friendship or relationship that's too limiting, or ready to renew an alliance that has some life in it yet. The stars encourage (and reward) bravery, so get ready, get set ... and go!
Friday, September 23, 2005
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Monday, September 19, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Friday, September 16, 2005
Random Thoughts
I just finished writing a long entry but something went wrong with the stupid computer and everything disappeared. Grrrrrrr! I hate it when that happens. I feel like strangling the computer except I know it won't do any good. Aaaaaargh!
I have not been writing. I've been too busy and tired for the past week. And I must admit I've also been very lazy. Putting it off for a long time makes it even harder to write again. I just don't know where to begin now.
I've been reading Karina's journal and I got inspired by her posts enough to make me want to write at two o'clock in the morning. That girl (ok, woman. You have to forgive me but sometimes I still think of you as the freshperson you were in my LITERA1 class years ago) has grown up to be a smart, articulate and philosophical intellectual. I feel underservedly proud to read her entries and realize that here is a woman who thinks and feels and knows how to live her life. I humor myself into thinking that I have somehow, even just a tiny little bit, been responsible for some of her thoughts about life. I'm sure she'd still be the same great person that she turns out to be even if she never met me but it just warms my heart to know that she was once my student. It's a teacher's conceit. Once again, I apologize.
I have been feeling down lately. It might be because I've been really tired. All the late nights must be catching up on me. One night, I psyched myself up about calling my sister back home only to get really disappointed because the call just won't get through. My friends and I have tried every way possible just to make that one phone call, to no avail. It felt even worse because it should not have been that big a deal. I felt bad making my friends worry about me for nothing.
Speaking of disappointments, one of the biggest disappointments of China is the mooncake. We recently celebrated the Mid-Autumn Day Festival and there were mooncakes everywhere. I've eaten quite a lot of different kinds but I must say that absolutely nothing compares to Ongpin's mooncakes. Absolutely nothing. Some are okay. But a lot of others are what-the-hell-you-call-this-a-mooncake-it's-just-hopia-back-home. And to think I should be in mooncake heaven by now. We must be importing those mooncakes from Taiwan and Hong Kong, then. That's the only explanation I can come up with.
This will read like a chain reaction kind of entry but speaking of Taiwan, I met a man who was actually born and raised in Taiwan. I've been out to dinner with him and some friends a couple of times. The first time, I got so messed up I puked so many times I couldn't even keep count. The second time was tonight and I must congratulate myself because I can still type as fast as I normally would. This man is the only person I've met here so far whom I can actually speak Hokkien with and it's just wonderful. My Hokkien is definitely below average. I've forgotten most of it since I haven't been using it that much but I've always referred to it as "the language of my lost past." There's just something about it that takes me straight to my childhood. It rattles something deep within.
In my class today, I was asked the by now familiar question of whether or not I like China. Of course the standard reply is yes, I love it. Which is true. But what surprised me was my saying that I consider China as my second country, my second home. I've been feeling this way even before coming here but that was the first time that I actually put it into words and released it to the universe. I adore my Angkong and I wanted to come here to see his people and his country. Of course China is way different than it was during his time. Still, there's something about knowing that the blood that runs through my veins is as much Chinese as the next person's sitting beside me on the bus. I may be Filipino in all the other aspects like the way I think, act and speak, and I love it, but there's always that part of me that still is Chinese and there's no way of denying that.
I love the Philippines and it will always be home, no matter how many times I complain about everything that's humanly possible to complain about. I love it so much I wept while I was watching Dr. Lumbera's "Hibik at Himagsik nina Viktoria Laktaw" just about the time they raised the Philippine flag towards the end. That was really embarrassing because I could imagine a fourth of the people in the theater staring right at me while I control my sobs. That being said, I just might have found a place away from home.
It's been a bunch of mixed emotions lately. I wish I could explain it better. Let's just say that there are certain unfortunate events that have transpired. But the good things far outweigh the bad. And if you know the bad, you would say I'm stupid for saying these things. But just trust me on this one.
Now I'll go and watch a sappy romantic movie. That would make me feel better. Of course I'd probably fall asleep halfway into it. Time check: 2:49AM. Still, I'm in the mood for a chick flick now. Sue me.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Monday, September 12, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
We are Great by Isagani R. Cruz
I am reprinting Dr. Isagani R. Cruz's article "We are Great" (without his permission but I hope he won't mind). For people not in the know, IRC has one of the most brilliant minds in the country. Okay, I may be biased but I can't help it, I love the man. I had him for CONTLIT (Contemporary Literature) and TEACHLI (The Teaching of Literature) when I was an undergrad at DLSU and I worked for him briefly just before I started teaching. Needless to say, he molded many of my ideas and maybe without him meaning to, I've always considered him as one of my literary fathers.
We Are Great by Isagani Cruz
Many of us Filipinos think that we are like Americans. We are not. We may look American, with all the American food chains around or the American movies in our malls or our trying-hard American English, but we are not American in the way that matters most. Americans are Americans not because of the food they eat nor the movies they watch nor the language they speak.
Americans are Americans because they love America. Americans are proud of who, what, and where they are. That is the one way in which I wish we would be like Americans.
You will find it difficult to find an American who will say that the United States is nothing compared to, say, France. Americans may shy away from the junk food served in fast food chains, but they will not say that fast food on the streets of, say, Thailand is more nutritious. American may say their movies are junk, but they will never say that the movies of, say Hong Kong are better. American educators may publicly lament the way their high school graduates mangle the English language, but they will never say that the English is spoken better by the youth in, say, Australia.
To Americans, America is the best country in the world.
In contrast, what do we think in the Philippines? It is very difficult to find Filipinos who think that the Philippines is the best country in the world. A survey many years back found that most Filipinos would like to have been born in the United States. Ten percent of our population have actually left for other countries, and the remaining 90 percent almost certainly wish they had left just as well. Even our "nationalist" rebel groups often think that China is better than our country. Most Filipinos may think that Filipino food is much better than any other kind of food, but not very many Filipinos think Filipino movies are much better than American movies nor that Cebuano, Ilocano, Tagalog, or any other Philippine language is much better than English.
Many foreigners point out that we Filipinos like to bash our own country. Nowhere in the world do we have media that paints such a grim picture of their own government or economy. Dissent is one thing, but negativity is another. It is very difficult to find news in a Philippine newspaper that says, for example, that the Philippines is doing much better than any other nation. That is in stark contrast to any American newspaper, which routinely makes it appear that no nation on earth is better than the United States.
I am not talking about the truth. The United States may not be the best country in the world. The Philippines may or may not be the worst country in the world. I am talking about perception. In the perception of most Americans, America is the best country in the world. In the perception of most Filipinos, the Philippines is the worst, if not the worst, then only a little better than, say, Bangladesh.
That is why I literally jumped for joy when I read this bit of news in our newspapers recently—Filipinos are the fourth largest group of readers in the world. Yes, that news from GFK NOP was buried in the inside pages, but it appeared anyway.
The German firm GFK NOP is, according to its website, "among the top five largest market research organizations in the world. In addition to 13 subsidiaries in Germany, it has more than 120 subsidiaries and affiliates in 61 countries.
What does GFK NOP say about us Filipinos? On June 15, "NOP world announced results of its Culture Score Media Habits Index offering a global perspective on the time consumers report watching television, listening to the radio, searching the Internet and reading.
The Philippines ranked second only to Thailand in number of hours spent watching TV. We watch TV 21.0 hours a week, compared to Thailand (22.4) and the US (19.0). That makes Filipinos the most electronic media-savvy (except for Thais) in the world. Should we not be proud of that?
Of course, if you are one of those that think TV is the end of the world, you may other feelings about this finding, but I happen to be one of those that think That TV is a sign of progress. That we are up there with the rest of the world when it comes to electronic media is, to me, something to crow about. Even those, however, who think watching TV is bad for children because they might no longer read should think again.
NOP World also discovered that Filipinos spend 7.6 hours a week reading. That makes us a very literate people, beaten in this area only by Indians (10.7), Thais (9.4), and Chinese (8.0). Americans, by the way, rank below the global average in reading.
And how about this finding? As far as using the internet outside the workplace goes, Filipinos are much better than Americans! We spend 9.8 hours a week on the internet, ranking 11th in the world. In contrast, Americans spend only 8.8 hours a week, ranking 18th. (The Taiwanese rank first)
We Filipinos are a great people when it comes to literacy, whether book literacy or media literacy or computer literacy. Now, why in the world would we want to live elsewhere?
Friday, September 9, 2005
Thursday, September 8, 2005
Reasons for Coming to China
A lot of people are asking me why I decided to come to China. I agree that it's a perfectly valid question. I would want to know why people are doing whatever it is they're doing too. I'd probably ask the same question if the situation were reversed. However, if you've heard it ten thousand times, it can get very tiring. That is why I've thought of making a list. In a way, it'll also be a way of seeing how far I've gone and if I'm really getting anywhere. So in no particular order, here goes:
1. I wanted to experience living on my own. I know this is taking it to the extreme. I'm living alone in a foreign country, whose language I cannot claim to speak well. But then again, it would be next to impossible to convince my family to let me get my own place and live alone in my own country.
2. I've always loved to travel. And I don't mean just go someplace for a week or two, be a tourist, take some pictures and go back home. I want to see how other people live their lives. How they think, what shaped them into the people that they are now. And I want to know these things firsthand. China is a good place to start (for reasons stated below).
3. I was really bored back home. Don't get me wrong. It was great to not worry about anything at all except getting to school on time and having something to talk about with my students. Wake up, go to class, meet some friends, go back home, play with my cousins, help them with their assignments, go to sleep, wake up again the next day... But I've been doing that every single day of my life. I want adventure! Which leads me to Reason number 4...
4. If I'm going to have an adventure, I might as well do it now while I'm still young. I can enjoy it so much more. No real responsibilities like keeping house, kids growing up and needing my attention. Now's the perfect time to be crazy.
5. I wanted to go some place quiet where I can actually sit down and write. There's that novel to finish. Like I always say, I need the solitude. I need to be able to think clearly and, this will sound like a cliche (and it is), connect with my inner self.
6. My mom will get a kick out of this, but I've decided to brush up on my Mandarin. I've always loved learning languages. When I had Spanish in college, I was ecstatic. It was the same way when I tried learning Cebuano. I'm in no way fluent in both languages but it was really fun. While I was given the perfect opportunity to learn Mandarin as a child, it left a sour taste in my mouth because everything was so stiff. It was forced on me and it felt more like a chore. Now, I'm beginning to appreciate it more.
7. This is a homecoming of sorts for me. Which is why I chose to come to China and not any other Asian countries. Aside from the fact that I already know a little Mandarin so it won't be as hard as say, going to Korea or Japan, I wanted to see how it is like to be Chinese in the fullest sense of the word. I know how I always complain that people here are saying I look Chinese all the time. I do not mean to reject my Chinese heritage. I'm proud of it. I'm a Filipino of Chinese descent. There. I just don't think I look Chinese. If I do, I'd be the first to admit it, but I don't. End of story.
Dinner with friends and Tour of TieLing Normal College
| Start: | Sep 8, '05 7:00p |
| Location: | TieLing City |
Wednesday, September 7, 2005
Shopping with Wendy
| Start: | Sep 6, '05 2:00p |
| Location: | LongShou Market |
Tuesday, September 6, 2005
How Well Do You Know Joni quiz
http://connect.tickle.com/test.html?id=bjfTdP86R3Sglf1Y&
Take this quiz and find out how well you know me.
Take this quiz and find out how well you know me.
Sunday, September 4, 2005
Saturday, September 3, 2005
Thursday, September 1, 2005
Proud to be Pinay
I just have to write this down. Maybe I can sleep a little better after.
Something happened tonight that's been bothering me. At dinner, a woman in her thirties was telling me that she knows a lot of Filipinas working in a bar. She asked me how much I'm earning (which I did not answer). Presumably, she was thinking I might want to work in a bar owned by her boyfriend and earn lots of money. That's not really such a bad thing. She was possibly genuinely concerned about providing me employment. Except that the way she was saying this (and I had a body language expert beside me then. Hey, are you reading this? 
) revealed a certain perception she had about people from my country.
I'm very much aware of the poverty in the Philippines. It'll be very hard to ignore in a small country with probably more than half of the population earning barely enough to get by. But having lived a fairly sheltered life, one sometimes puts all these in one's peripheral vision and focus on something less depressing. It's just too easy.
I remember a discussion once, after our MFA playwriting class watched "Last Order sa Penguin", Bevz complained that it was all about middle-class angst. I was quick to disagree. It couldn't be just the middle-class who worry about getting old and thinking that nothing's happening with their lives. It's a valid fear, I argued. I was probably 21 at that time and I was worried that I'd grow old and have nothing to show for it. But I do know what she means. How can one think about the future if you don't have food on the table here and now? Because back home at this very moment, there are families who are wondering where to get their next meal.
And that could lead to a lot of different solutions.
It just got me to thinking about what other people think about the Philippines and the people in it. I come from a country that's known for producing domestic helpers and nurses and teachers as well as prostitutes and criminals. I come from a country whose people want better lives for themselves and their families. That's what it all boils down to.
I'm one of the lucky few. If there's anything I am truly grateful for that my parents have ever given me, it's providing me with the best education I could possibly have. And I know not everyone can have that. I left my country because I wanted to see what's beyond my safe little shell. For some Filipinos, there wasn't that much of a choice. And I respect that. I admire them for all the sacrifices that they're making.
Proud to be Pinay. With that, I go to sleep.
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